Happy New Year!
I truly hope everyone had a relaxing and enjoyable holiday. I spent most of my vacation at my parent’s house in Baltimore, where I laid around by the fireplace watching Netflix and reading for countless hours by the light of twinkling Christmas lights. Great food was consumed, presents were exchanged and traditions highlighted everything throughout. Family took center stage this year as I opted to stay in and celebrate my Mom’s birthday (New Year’s Eve) with lamb and flourless chocolate cake, with an interlude of yoga, bubble bath, and nap before midnight where my younger brother and Dad set off an arsenal of fireworks and my Mom and I cheered and hollered at the dark sky as it lit up with festive reds, greens and silvers. I will remember the end of 2012 as relaxing and while I’m sad to see the holidays in my rear-view mirror, I’m excited about the upcoming road ahead!
I’ll be honest and say I had a crap of a year in 2012. I was blinded with positivity and optimism at the beginning of the year, in a relationship that I knew deep down was failing. That positivity that I’ve carried with me throughout my life was tested as I hit one of my hardest walls in the spring and summer of 2012. Struggling to stay afloat and out of the depression that threatened to grab hold of me was my biggest challenge. My breakup left me torn up and confused. 2012 threw a lot of shit my way, but it also showed me that I’m pretty damn strong. I literally dug my nails into the Earth as I climbed up out of the hole that I was quickly falling in to. And somehow I managed to come out of it a better person. I have a long way to go from where I want to be but I ended 2012 on much better terms than I started it.
I also have to give myself a pat on the back for managing my health so well through all of it. It’s easy to let life take over and stick diabetes in the trunk. I think I knew somewhere in the back of my mind, though, that if I wanted to get better emotionally and mentally, I needed to at least maintain some control over my blood sugar. I think if that had started spiraling out of control, things would have been a lot worse.
While 2012 was hard, I learned a lot and I don’t want to take any of that back. It’s true that I cringe when I think about some of the stuff that happened in the past year, but I smile after because I know that I’ll never have to deal with that again. Learning lessons. Life is all about them! I’m taking my lessons learned into 2013.
Call me crazy but 2013 is going to be awesome. 13 is my lucky number and my birthday is February 13 (2/13). 0 is just a great number. All of that combined means 2013 is MY year. Ok, I don’t necessarily believe in all that superstitious stuff, but honestly, it can’t get much worse than this past year.
I don’t have any specific resolutions. I feel like New Year resolutions set people up for failure and would much rather make resolutions and goals along the way. I would like to focus on health and fitness more in 2013. Clean and mindful eating, building strength and endurance. I want to meditate more. I want to learn more and experience more. Travel is always a goal, but this year I’m going to do it with books too.
I vow to be present. Too often people are consumed by unimportant things and more focused on putting on a show (gotta Instagram what I’m doing!) rather than enjoying the show. I work in social media and have to live tweet all of the events I go to. For that reason, it’s probably why I don’t live tweet when I go out with friends and why I barely was on my social media accounts throughout the holidays. I don’t want to miss the joke because I was too busy posting a picture from five minutes ago.
Focusing on myself will continue to be the theme of 2013. For once in my life, I don’t feel the pressure to date or have a boyfriend. I don’t feel the need to kiss someone because he wants to kiss me. For too long I’ve spent my time making sure someone else was happy. I’m not saying I won’t ever be ready to make some guy feel like the center of my universe, but for now, while I’m in my 20s, I think it’s acceptable if I’m the only person at the center of my universe.
Also, I will be true to myself. Going along with focusing on myself, I will not lie to people about who I am. I tend to mold myself into what a person expects or what I think they would like (mostly with guys). I know the error of my ways, which is why I’m telling everyone now. If you don’t like what I’m saying about gun control or think I’m a prude because I won’t kiss you on the first day or think I’m a slut because I will, well too damn bad! I can’t be everything to everybody or even everything to one body and I want to be done trying. So I will stop and be everything to myself. From there, I can give you, whoever you are, all of that.
As always, I promise to love. I promise to love myself and all of my flaws. I promise to love the sunrises and sunsets, delicious enchiladas, salted caramel chocolate cheesecake, laughter, couples holding hands, drunk/sober nights with friends, my family. I promise to try and practice zen when it comes to everyday frustrations like traffic, rude people, petty arguments and bad coffee. I promise to try and release the anger when it comes. I promise to just try. I will try at everything I do and try to be the best person I can be. I think that’s a resolution everyone should make because in the end, people won’t remember if you lost 20 pounds or cut sugar out of your diet. They’ll remember the type of person you were, so isn’t it important we be the best we can be?