I’m not normally one to lament on the fact that I have diabetes. I don’t usually get depressed or feel sorry for myself that I have to be my own pancreas. I don’t ask questions like “why me?” unless I’m thinking about it in a very scientific way, like literally why me (since no one seems to know). Was it environmental, genetic?
I’m not in denial or even angry about my disease. Do I have occasional moments where I feel angry? Of course. Do I have moments where I wish I could enjoy a margarita or a piece of pizza without worrying about my blood sugar? Definitely. Do I wish that I didn’t have to lug around meters, glucose, and other paraphernalia whenever I want to make a simple trip to the grocery store? Always. But I think those are all normal things to wish and feel.
My diabetes freak-outs usually come in quick anxious bursts, as do most of my freak-outs over anything. And let me clarify that when I say freak-out, I’m not literally freaking out. Usually no one knows I’m having a mental freak-out because that’s what it is: mental. These little bouts of anxiety literally can hit me at any time in any situation and usually pass in a minute or two. Some might say I’m experiencing a mini panic attack. I get kind of sweaty, my heart rate increases and I can only think about whatever is making me anxious.
This morning, it hit me in my car. I was on my way to work, about 10 minutes from the office when I started thinking about my upcoming trip to Florida and how much insulin I would need to pack. Then I started thinking about how great my blood sugar has been since I started working out in the morning. That led me down a path where I started thinking about what I would do if my numbers all of a sudden got really high and what that would mean. If you don’t know, I’m LADA. I was diagnosed in September 2011 and have only needed one injection of Lantus in the morning for my numbers to be within range, meaning I don’t need to inject before meals. My doctor has made it clear of course that that could change any day. When that day comes, I will have to inject at least four times a day. Thinking about all of that led to the diabetes freak-out.
Lately, I’ve been having issues with my injection site. I inject in my stomach, as I have since I first started injections. One day last week, I injected and not only did it hurt like a bitch, but when I pulled the needle out it bled and left a hard lump. The hard lump has happened before, but the nasty bruise that followed had not. I began injecting on the other side of my stomach until that bruise went away, but there is still pain, slight bruising and bleeding at my injection sites. I know that this is normal and I haven’t had an issue in the past few days, but realizing that I will have to inject four more times a day than I already am made me feel really anxious. Where am I going to inject? What if every part of my stomach becomes bruised? Can I deal with the sting of injections multiple times a day?
It’s a bit overwhelming to think about your whole life and to realize that the daily routine of injections and testing won’t ever go away. Luckily, the anxiety of worrying about the “real estate” on my body went away relatively quickly and I was back to jamming out to the latest pop song on the radio. Until the next bout of anxiety hits…
Do you deal with diabetes anxiety or health anxiety in general? What do you do to calm yourself down?